...life is purple

Alright... to begin with, Christmas is tomorrow and I'm pretty excited and all - I'm all set to cook and give away presents. Then, a few days later is New Year's eve and I'd be preparing my own slabs of meat (inspired by Harv) for that event.

But the fresh new start about this blog starts off with this fact: I'm changing the theme of this site.

Since my other blog is about the rants of my life and the stories of it, this blog will be devoted to my thoughts - my city, my country and the places that I go to. No, I don't really travel that much but I will just be writing about the things that come into my mind about my own home.

Well... Merry Christmas and Cheers!

this is really exciting! We have an exposure trip to Singapore and Malaysia next year. Well, yes it is next year and there are lots of time to prepare. The thing is - it's pretty expensive, especially for a middle class girl like me. P25,000 is not that easy to produce.

It really looks like fun. I've been pretending so bad that I have accepted the fact that I can't come but the truth is, I'm still hoping! I mean, get real... who doesn't wanna come right? I've been really fake smiling and saying "I'm not coming and it's damn fine!" cuz it's not fine at all!

Anyway, it's not that I'm dying in envy that I couldn't go and they can't. Truth is, I can go but I feel so guilty having to use up all that money in just four days. Then my family's here with nothing special and all. My aunt has already told me it'll be fine and my mom started my passport. I think I'd be going but still...

I'm a little freaked out. Feel bad that I can't come or feel great that I did but somewhat guilty?

Crap! Why do I have to have so many thoughts in my head!???

It's sick I guess... In a way.

I feel awful, having to back to school tomorrow, leaving home and spending a whole week alone in my dorm. Lately, I feel so isolated. It's pretty normal I guess since I've been living that life for two years now but suddenly I don't feel that comfortable anymore with all the people around. Why? Maybe because, for a moment I thought, life isn't really that fun with so many people to hang out with having to smile at all of them every now and then.

No, I'm not Miss Popular but it does happen that I know a lot. I'm thankful though.

It's ironic, remembering me bragging about how I was so rejected. Now, suddenly this thought came into me - I am still rejected in a way but some are quite scared to show. Was I too brutal? I think I gained some dignity that way they wont be fucking life.

I still enjoy anything and I wouldn't want to change anything at all... but I feel like I'm moving farther and farther away from the people around me sooner or later all these things and places that I used to enjoy will be gone and I would be bragging once more about my isolation.

Life is never giving - always unfair. I know how merciless I can be sometimes, I hate to show pity. In fact, I have a hard time showing care especially in situations that someone's sick or crying. I have to fake my affection and sympathy. No, don't call me plastic, I'm not actually pretending to feel it. In fact, I do - it's just that I have a hard time showing it.

Oh well... life's like that. A fucking bliss of ironic memories mixed with reality.

how long had it been since i last wrote something here?

hmmm.. about three months i guess...

 Life - still the same. Still in college. Still in a relationship (wow!! a miracle or something!!). Still into rock. Still into internet... nothing much changed.

I've been hanging out with Fe and Lou (with Jen) now, they're all MKA students too. Then I find myself on the verge of actually shutting up and trying to keep my cool. Personally I think I've changed and I really did - big time.

i got more brutal.. more mean... so I'm trying my best to calm myself down and be just.. "fine"

I entered a blog at multiply <<click&addme! and Fe read it. I never thought that they would. The one I was really expectomg was Jen Or Lady... so she asked me what was wrong. She felt guilty but IT's NOT HER FAULT (i hope you get to read this... Fe)

then.. then..

it's our 6th Monthsarry...

ayabyu NOGI!!